Hypnotherapy is the #1 Shortcut to effective Anger Management.
Unlike talk therapy which is great for getting people to talk about their problems, Hypnotherapy helps the person to identify the root cause of their anger whilst in a perfectly calm and relaxed state. While “asleep” the client is guided to unlock the subconscious mind and discover what types of situations might trigger an angry response – and why. Hypnosis allows the client’s thought patterns to be “re-programmed” to be less re-active and more pro-active in relation to different situations; re-directing the neural pathways in the brain, freeing the person to remain unperturbed by many of life’s stresses. Hypnotherapy is a fast, effective way for people to stop feeling the discomfort of their anger and be liberated to live a happy, healthy life.
What is Anger?
Anger is an emotional response to something we perceive as a threat – a threat to our life, our safety, our sanity, our well-being… Ironically, we view the angry person as threatening. If we’re angry, our survival mechanism has been triggered – it’s connected to our fight or flight response to stress – in Anger’s case, it’s “fight” – so, it’s an impulse for self-preservation. When we are “pushed” into a state of fear – anger arises as a conscious decision to not be afraid, and drive away the threat we perceive.
“In one respect, anger is a good thing. “
Mostly, we are afraid of Anger. It’s one of the most daunting emotions. Socially, anger is frowned upon and made wrong – because it is often expressed through aggression. Angry behaviour is the cause of conflict, and it is perceived to demonstrate a lack of self-control. Picture the toddler throwing a tantrum in the shopping centre… a distressing sight… we judge the child to be a spoilt brat… and we judge the parent for not being in control of the child. The truth is, the child has no idea why he/she is angry, but it is most definitely rooted in fear. It might be a fear of missing out, or a fear of being abandoned, for example.
An angry dog might seem aggressive, but it is usually acting in defence, to what it perceives as a threat. It might be defending it’s territory or it’s family. It’s own safety might feel compromised, triggering an “angry” outburst. Angry people are very much the same – they are actually acting defensively… but with a show of aggression. We demonise anger as bad or wrong because anger can hurt people and hurting someone is bad or wrong. Therefore, we judge the angry person to be bad or wrong and often punish or reprimand them in response to angry behaviour.
We believe angry people need to be punished in order to modify their behaviour. We reject and isolate people who have acted aggressively in response to their anger, presumably to protect others, but pushing them into a state of powerlessness and vulnerability – incites more anger to help push them out of the fear that underlies the anger. If you ask an angry person what they’re angry about – they can give you a hundred reasons, but if you ask them what they’re afraid of, they’re often not aware it’s fear motivating them to become angry.
“Anger is an emotion, and it’s a valid one; we need to understand, that the angry person needs to be supported emotionally, rather than punished and rejected. If we stop demonising anger – especially in children – we will see less aggression and put an end to domestic violence.”
It is the angry person’s responsibility to learn to deal with their anger, but they often don’t know how. Because we’ve been taught that anger is bad, people have become very clever at suppressing and hiding their anger for years or even decades. Suppressed anger may either erupt violently or if it remains in the body it can cause chemical changes in cells that may lead to cancer or other serious illness. If you’re becoming angry at things that wouldn’t normally bother you, definitely seek help.
Obviously, if you’re confronted by someone in a rage, your first priority is your own safety. Remove yourself and any children in your care from the situation immediately. By making an empowered decision to protect yourself, you’re not taking the role of victim – minimising your chances of also becoming angry – and further, you’re not allowing a situation where the other person has to assume the role of perpetrator – which they’re already uncomfortable being.
Ideally, we would be able to validate the person’s anger before there is any sign of violence or aggression. Make it OK to be angry by acknowledging that they are angry – this helps them identify the emotion within themselves. Avoid punishing someone for being angry – especially children – because this causes them to feel bad for feeling the way they feel – this triggers feelings of powerlessness and a sense of fear to which they will eventually respond to with more anger. If possible, ask what they believe is making them angry and let them know that they’re entitled to feel that way – even if they’re angry at you or some perceived slight you’ve enacted against them. Discuss different ways they may be able to express their anger constructively – like kick a ball around the back yard.
By supporting an angry child you are teaching him/her that their feelings are acceptable and that they, too are acceptable. Let them know you approve of them, unconditionally – no matter what they’re feeling. For more information on how hypnotherapy can be used to help manage anger click here. And for more information on the upcoming Anti-Bullying Program, click here.